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Three Ways to Reconnect with Your Partner

There it is! That small glimpse into the person you used to be. Perhaps it was a word, or a look, or even a scent that ignited that memory to pop into your mind of being head over heels in love. You can feel butterfly wings dancing inside your belly and you can hear their heartbeat against your own. It feels like heaven and you are certain that this is it. This is your person.

Many of us in long term relationships have moved past the giddy honeymoon stage and are knee-deep in familiarity. Summoning those belly butterflies of the time we fell in love can be an act of deliberate effort. Our personal and work environments are constantly moving and changing, not to mention the ever changing but never ending pandemic. There are times that we move so quickly just to keep up that we forget what connecting with all our senses feels like. It is through our senses that we may find the love potion that helps us continuously fall in love. If this sounds overly simplistic, it’s probably because it is. The tricky part comes through consistency. So why not implement these three simple steps and take yourself to that place where love and excitement waits for you:

1. Revisit a Moment in Time

Sit in silence and let your mind wander over to a memory of feeling deeply in love. Remember this memory with each of your senses. What did that moment look, smell, taste, sound, and feel like? Take one sense at a time and truly savor it. Notice how your body feels and what emotions come up. Kick it up a notch and do this exercise with your partner. Studies show that couples who often remember and talk about positive past experiences together enjoy higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

2. Reconnect Through Quality Time

Schedule some time with your partner doing something together (even if for just a few minutes) and experience your senses together. Make it deliberate and familiar. It could be making love or even walking for five minutes holding hands. It doesn't really matter what you’re doing as long as you’re together practicing the same intention-to reconnect. Yes, at the beginning scheduling time together may feel like the most unromantic thing you can do as a couple but the data shows that when couples schedule time together they feel closer and more in love.

3. Be Present

We fall in love in the moments in which we are most present. Be present with your loved one so your mind relearns to scan every moment for all that is wonderful. Quickly you will start to remember why you chose this person to fall in love with.

It can take some effort to step out of the familiar and expected and into the choice to be present and in love every day. So just for one day, retrain your mind to fall in love with everything: with yourself, your partner, your job and your environment.

The decision to recommit to being in love is a testament of your strength and your commitment to happiness. Remember that you’re not alone and it’s absolutely okay to ask for help, be it in the form of a book, a class, a couples therapist or a great coach.


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